My Life as a Kid D Intern

My name is Julie and for the past eight months, I’ve been interning for Kid Dangerous. My boss recently asked me, and when I say ask I mean demand in an illegible drunk text message, to write a list of ten things I’ve learned as a Kid Dangerous intern. Most internships entail mindless tasks, a uniform involving khaki pants, and four-hour meetings about payroll. Not when you work for Kid D. So, without further adieu, here are ten things I’ve learned from my time with the company. Now If only I could unlearn half of them, I’d be a much more emotionally stable person.

  1. Kid Dangerous is a lifestyle brand. A very unhealthy one, but a lifestyle brand nonetheless.
  2. Telling the Kid D crew you are a lightweight will result in puking from a taxi in a McDonald’s drive-thru.
  3. My boss taught me that one way you can motivate employees is by “dangling the carrot.” I wasn’t really sure what he was talking about because I was too busy organizing a list of 2,000 store contacts for a free t-shirt he promised me.
  4. Bartering toothpaste for t-shirts at 3 AM feels like Christmas morning when you’re wasted.
  5. Kid Dangerous + Vegas + Dom Pérignon = Dancing on Tables
  6. Dom Pérignon + Dom Pérignon = Memory Loss & Vomiting
  7. There’s a three-hour time difference between Los Angeles and Virginia. I’m reminded of this every time I’m asked to do something “really quick” at 2:30 AM.
  8. Beer pong tables do exist in the real world. They’re just a little more depressing than their college counterparts with 29 year olds playing on them.
  9. It’s not so bad when you have to look at your credit card statements to remember what you did the night before.
  10. Getting a pat on the back for a job well done isn’t nearly as cool as getting paid would be.
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