So, normally, I don’t air Kid D’s dirty laundry, because it’s immature and truth be told, nobody’s business. But today is a different day and my frustration level has reached a boiling point and the company in question has pissed me off so bad, that I view bashing them via blog as a form of therapy.
Unless you’re Forever 21 or H&M or a handful of other lucky brands / retailers, the economy has been tough on fashion. Department stores aren’t buying as much, boutiques are closing down left and right, consumers aren’t spending their money, which all together, creates a domino effect that I like to refer to as “the vicious circle.”
It’s crazy to see how much each problem compounds and affects something else. Take us for example. When we sell our clothes to retailers, we try and get as many of them to pay upfront as possible. The alternative is to give them terms. An industry standard one is Net 30, which means, you ship them the goods and they have 30 days to pay you. The thinking behind it is, if you give them 30 days, they can sell a bunch of the gear you shipped them and improve their cash flow so they can pay you with money they’ve made on your product. The problem is though, it never works like that. As any entrepreneur knows, it’s really hard to quantify the reasons behind the money coming in versus the money going out and as great in theory as it sounds to be paying the people that are helping you make money, you usually just end up paying out money to keep the business running. Making rent, paying your employees, paying for even older invoices you have with other brands.
When the economy was in much better shape, the Net 30 mode l worked a lot better. Stores were selling more so they had money to pay you. Now, I would say only 1 in 10 accounts that you give N30 to, actually pay you on time. The rest of them will come up with excuses, avoid you, string you along, etc. to buy as much time as possible to pay you, or even worse, they’ll just decide they’re not going to pay you at all. Because of how shady the game has gotten, we basically refuse to give terms to anyone that isn’t named Bloomingdales or Nordstrom. With these bigger companies, they might string you out a bit on payment, but at least they are big, reputable companies and will pay you.
The only real big risk we take now is with our distributors. For those who don’t know, distributors work as sales people for your brands in different countries. Typically, they’ll have a showroom in that country and team of people who will work to get a bunch of orders for you from the boutiques and stores in their territory. Once they’re done pooling orders, they’ll then submit you one big order. You ship them the goods and they’re responsible for distributing it to all of their stores and collecting money from their accounts. Due to the role that they play, they really need 30 days to try and pool money together so you give them terms. It’s a big risk though, because if one of them is going through major shit, it’s next to impossible to collect money from them being that they’re on the other side of the world.
That’s the situation we’re in right now. The distributor is in Switzerland and for the purpose of this blog, we will call the distribution company Ghost and the person I’m dealing with Perry. Ghost has been constantly writing us fat orders for the past two years and we’ve established a good business relationship. Perry sometimes waits past the N30 to pay me, but typically, it’s not much past 30 days and I’ve never had a reason to not trust the guy. That is, until now. he owes us a lot of money and he’s now delinquent over 30 days (meaning we shipped him the order over 60 days ago). I’ve sent him countless emails, left several voice mails with no response. I actually caught him on his cell phone last week and it was hilarious. Dude sounded like he was talking to a ghost on the other end of the phone he was so shook. After exchanging pleasantries, he informed me he had to “double check” with his accountant to make sure that the wire was going out and that he’d get back to the following day. I haven’t heard from him since.
I have now upped my stalker game. Emails every day and phone calls as well. I actually got his receptionist on the line who informed me that Perry was there, but after I told her who I was, she tripped up in her speech, put me on hold and stated shortly thereafter that he was in a “meeting” and that he would call me back. The funny thing is, I know how small his business is. I know that it only takes two minutes to process a wire, one phone call to get a hold of your accountant and 30 seconds to type a quick update on the payment. I can also imagine that this Swiss receptionist had her hand over the phone while Perry danced around her desk whispering that he isn’t there.
At this point, I’m going to step up my antics. Shortly after posting this blog, I’m going to send him a 20 page
fax. Cover sheet, invoice ten times in a row. It’ll be a nice reminder when they come into the office tomorrow and I wasted a bunch of their paper and ink. I’m also planning on having my girlfriend call next and state that she has a clothing company and is interested in having Ghost represent them, and when Perry gets on the line, I’ll step in and get up in his shit. I’m also contemplating other tactics, like emailing him a picture of my ass, fedexing him a box of shit, or prank calling him the middle of the night.
The final step, if my good buddy Perry decides to not pay me, is to fly to Switzerland. The amount he owes Kid Dangerous would warrant the trip. I can only imagine if that happens. It would be the most surreal trip of my life. I want to bring a camera crew with me just to video tape the look on his face when I show up in his office. When I see him, I plan on responding to everything he says to me with “Fuck You, Pay Me.” Or maybe I don’t say anything, jump on him, proceed to give him like ten dead arms in a row, put him in a headlock and give him a noogie for the ages and finish it off with reaching into the back of his pants and grab a hold of his cheesy euro banana hammock and give him an atomic wedgie, the likes that have never been seen before in all of Switzerland. Lot of different ways to go here.
I really hope this article was all for not that and that my good buddy ol’ pal Perry pays me my mothafuckin money. If not though, things are going to spice up really quick so I’ll make sure to follow up with a blog update. Hopefully, it won’t be from a Swiss prison cell! hahaha.